Day 2 post surgery.

Bless the Lord o my soul and forget not all his benefits. Psalm 103:2

Willow slept better last night. Her fever is gone this morning but she is nautious from meds and not eating much. With all her itching last night she pulled out epidural and disconnected IV. The epi. was due to come out anyway so not a big deal. With the epidural gone the catheter came out too. She has had more anxiety today and doesn't want anyone near her legs.  I love her day nurses and the pain management team here. They go very slow with her.
  She has gone shai bien (pee) 2x . She has looked at her legs, touched them and moved them around for comfort by lifting with hands and has even let me help a small amount. She has not yet told me what she thinks of the outcome; I wish I could read her mind. She wanted to know what the bandages were and of course when we we're going home. I mentioned that we would get her in a

chair and she became very anxious. The doctors think she's doing very well and anyone who has seen her Xrays from before are amazed. I am so thankful that we were led to this surgeon and the amazing group of OI parents who have shared information and prayed for us. It really is an incredible community of people.
     Update: PT came in and willow was ok with me transferring her to couch while bed was changed.  We have managed a few diaper changes with me lifting her bottom. Her pain seems to be managed except for an afternoon headache. She still needs to eat but I'm sure her appetite will return soon. Thanks for all the prayers.
  To God be the glory, great things he has done.

Road to recovery

After a short night of sleep (4 hours) Willow got her appetite back. Popsicles, fig bar, 1/2 muffin and chocolate milk. Her pain has been managed well. She will keep her epidural in till tomorrow. She was fitted for a double brace which caused a little pain. It will be put on later today and she will stay in it for 4 weeks.
   I don't know what I was expecting for a brace but this is much larger than I anticipated. It has a pelvic support and metal down the sides. The gentleman who fitted her gave me small screwdrivers so that gives you an idea. She is bionic girl.
   She has run a fever today up to 101.3 but it has dropped down to 100 as of 4pm. She is not eating great but is sustaining on chocolate milk and snack food. Sarah bought a huge watermelon slice because she loves that and she had 5 bites.
   I feel unprepared for what comes next such as will brace fit in car seat/wheelchair?  but we are taking 1 step at a time.

Surgery

"My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your saving acts all day long - though I know not how to relate them all."
Psalm 71:15
    Well the day is finally here. Willow's first surgery. The goal is not to have her walk although we hope she will one day. And the goal is not to straighten her legs, we love her with all the bends. The goal is to keep her large bones from breaking.
 The procedure is called osteotomy and it involves removing parts of her bone so that they will line up and then a rod is inserted to stabilize the bone. The rod is called a Fassier-duval rod. It is the newest telescopic rod which will expand with her bone as she grows. The proceedure is expected to take 5 hours. If it goes well and everyone involved is good, they will also do surgery on left leg. We know this surgeon is the best which gives us enormous peace of mind but I also have a peace that could only come from the Holy Spirit and the prayers of His people. I woke up last night and was not at all anxious. Willow also slept well: sleeping for 9 straight hours and not kicking me once.
    Pre-op was a bit stressful for her. She remembers surgery in China and I'm sure that there was little pain control. Unfortunately we did not have a mandarin translator like we had for clinic even though I requested weeks ago. We did have Marti? a live person on TV. Willow did not respond well to her although she seemed to understand everything she said. (A little language with love is better than a fluent person with technology)
  Our anesthesiologist is an Australian who is very competent and I trust Willow will not wake up in pain.
     Timeline: at hosp for pre-op 8:30am
Taken to surgery @ 11am. Update to let us know they started @12:15. Update that femur was done @1pm. Call at 2pm that right leg was done and They would begin on left leg. This is a complete answer to prayer as we didn't think the left leg would be possible because of the amount of work needing to be done. I am so thankful that God led us to this doctor and all the families that showed us where to go for her care.
 The amount of bone they took out was 2 inches on femur and 1.5 in tibia. However by straightening the bones he is adding @4 inches. I can't wait till she realizes this. She has often sat on the edge of our dining room chairs and stretched her legs trying to touch the floor saying, "almost."
  Surgery done by 5:45. Unfortunately the meds had her vomiting. 7:15 up in room and resting.

On the verge of surgery

Tomorrow we will leave to drive 12 hours to Omaha in preparation for Willow's surgery on Tuesday. This will be her first surgery here in the states. It will include removing bone to straighten her bones in her right leg and inserting rods to strengthen them. This is not her first surgery; she has large scars from a surgery she had in China. With these scars also comes the memory of pain and the uncertainty of what her next week will look like it. She knows we are going and the doctor will be "fixing" her leg but there is not the language to discuss her fears. She says, Big Scared" when we try and discuss. I tell her I will be with her and more importantly Jesus will be with her. I tell her all the people she knows that will be praying for her.

I am expecting God to do great things through this time of suffering. I am expecting more of His will for our lives to be revealed. I trust that all these things will work together for Good. If you are praying for us, thank you! Specific requests include: Safe travel, Peace for Willow, Sarah and I, Good pain control, That the surgery would include all the restoration of bone that God has willed including the 2nd leg if she is doing well. And most importantly, that God would be glorified in all of it and Jesus would be clearly visible through us.

Stay tuned .......

Two Months Ours and Daddy Love

I'd like to tell you a story that took place exactly 2 months ago. We were in China to adopt our 3rd daughter, our 7th child. We had landed in Shanghai and crashed in our hotel 15 hours prior.  As the process goes, we had met our guide at 9:00am and were driven to a governmental office. We had adopted from China once before so we knew there would be a few papers to sign before we would meet our daughter. Dan had left the room with a worker to go pay the donation/ransom and as happens quite frequently with adoptive families, on his way back he was led past the room where she was sitting. He came down the hall and into our conference room just ahead of her and only had time to utter a sentence before we met her.

 He could have said many things: "She's here," She's on her way," or  "I just saw Willow." Instead, with his voice choked with emotion, he said, "She's beautiful!" Beautiful: this girl who had been confined to a bed and a wheelchair, this girl who had a shaved head, this child who had bent limbs beyond what we had prepared for. And he was right; She was so beautiful and so courageous. In her short life-time she had been through  much pain and loss and yet what her Daddy had seen immediately was not her past or even her present but instead he saw her future: His Daughter living under his care. 

 She didn't know it yet but in her daddy she had met someone who would be a friend for life, an advocate for her, her biggest fan.  She might one day walk or she might stay confined to a wheelchair; she might one day go to college or she might struggle her whole life with reading; she might accept the love we offered quickly or she might reject us and keep her heart hidden. What she has yet to learn is that it won't matter to her Daddy. He loves her regardless of anything she does. She is beautiful in the eyes of her daddy and she always will be.

Happy Father's Day to All the Adoptive Daddies.

"Oh how great is the love the Father has lavished upon u,s that we should be called children of God and that is what we are!"  1 John 3:1

Heaven's Echo

Last night driving home I had a moment that I'll call "heaven's echo."  An echo is not an answer to a question. We speak aloud into space and hear what we said coming back to us. For some reason listening to an echo is comforting. It seems to validate something in us; something that says our voice matters or that our spoken word is heard.  As Christians we know God hears our prayers whether they get answered  in the way we want or not but we strain to hear his voice or feel his presence to know we are on the right path. Sometimes he chooses to answer in an Echo. This is where he takes something we know to be true like scripture we have read and reread many times and repeats it back to us in a significant way.

I was driving home from Indianapolis with my 3 youngest. We were very close to home when a song came on the radio. The song, by Lauren Daigle, talks about trusting in God even when he doesn't move mountains, or part waters. Willow loves to sing along with the radio and since she doesn't know much English, she usually fakes it, (but even with that she sounds good). She seems to love female voices that are full of volume so when this song came on and I turned it up to sing, she also sang her non-English version. We were belting out the chorus "I will trust, I will trust in you," when I felt God's presence saying "Remember?"  I have sung this song hundreds of times in the last six months: days leading up to our adoption, periods of time filled with  problems, delays, discouragement and finally the moments in China when my husband and I were precariously standing on God's word as the doubts swirled around us.  What joy to hear my daughter in her own way repeating my prayers back to me. God was letting me know he had heard everything: every single time I had sung this song or prayerfully whispered it clinging to His promise to be with us and bring us through it.

Heaven's Echo... I knew all of the events in the last few months had mattered to God, but it was so nice to hear it coming back to me over the distance!

Together

I wake up each morning now and pray for strength giving all my plans to God. I picture myself falling into his arms. This can't be done if you are holding on to anything, grasping for a hold. No, you need to just fall into Jesus. I know once I get out of bed my day is not mine; right now it belongs to those who need me. As I walk up the stairs each morning to say good morning to Willow I wonder what she is thinking. Is she wondering if I am strong enough to carry her each and every day, down the stairs, to the toilet, to the bed to dress, and then to the table? She is beginning to trust me more. She used to protect her legs by pulling on her own pants; now she asks me to help. When she is on the toilet balancing as I pull up her clothes, sometimes she will spontaneously kiss me. This is not lost on me: it is a sign of trust.

   She spends much of her day screaming my name. Mama look. Mama carry. Mama down. Mama water etc.... It gets old everyday until I remind myself that 5 weeks ago there was no mama to scream to. Maybe she is loud because she went long periods without anyone listening... Maybe she is so excited to do things she can't contain the volume... Maybe she likes having someone answer even if that someone always says, "say please."
  Our days are filled with trying to get her to focus on something long enough to be still for 10 minutes. Even meal times are spent slowing her down instead of stuffing her mouth and saying all done or her newest, "I'm good." Her oldest brothers are the best at this: playing legos. I clean quickly these days as I can only go 5 or 10 minutes before I need to redirect her. I try not to rely on siblings too much because the bonding process is so important yet with all her medical needs doctors need to be called along with insurance etc. By dinner time I am usually exhausted but I think she is too. She is usually ok with getting into pjs by 7:30.
  As I go to sleep I thank God she has not broken a bone and ask him to strengthen her: provide her a miracle. But whether the healing comes sooner or later I know we are both where we are supposed to be:    Together.

New Things to Love

June is usually our month for 4H but this year we are taking a break to focus on our adoption. We are living day by day which we haven't done in a while and discovering the simple things again.  I know that with our new daughter medical needs could arise at any moment. We need to enjoy all the new things she is experiencing, and let me tell you, she is fearless when it comes to new things.

She loves our large dog - abandoned herself, had no qualms about getting on the tire swing and has been begging me to go in the boat for a week. Tonight we finally got in the paddle boat. Lifting her in was not as hard as I had thought it would be and we had so much fun. What a blessing to be a part of so many firsts!